Pretty Soldier Sailor Gundam
by Princess Licorice
Summary: The Gundams' only hope of surviving...to switch from Mobile Suits to sailor suits. From the perfect soldiers to pretty soldiers. Be afraid. Be very afraid.


Episode One: A Gundam Star is Born

-Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon.  They belong to Sunrise and Toei Animation. I wish they were mine, but sadly, I do not have the brain capacity to create my own Japanese anime series, so I'll spoof someone else's.  Don't hate me. -

            With high expectations, human beings leave earth to begin a new life in space colonies.  However, the United Earth Sphere Alliance gains great military power, and soon seizes control of one colony after another in the name of justice and peace.  The year is After Colony 195: Operation Meteor.  In a move to counter the tyranny of the Alliance, rebel citizens from certain colonies scheme to bring new arsenals to the earth, disguising them as shooting stars.  However, the Alliance headquarters catches on to this operation…

In a dimly lit grand chamber filled with various members and officers of Oz, Treize Kushrenada sits on the outstretched metal hand of his Gundam, Epyon.  Spotlights illuminate the monstrous mecha standing in the center of the chamber, giving it a demonic aura.  Sitting high above the ground in its bulky hand, Treize looks something like an ant would if it stood next to a tree.  He dangles his legs carelessly, tossing a crystal ball casually between his hands.

            "Come forward, Zechs Merquise!" he calls in a boisterous voice.  A man in a red Oz uniform with long platinum blond hair and a white mask on steps forward and bows.

            "Yes, Master Treize?"

            "Ah, Zechs," says Treize, "I have a mission for you."

            "Yes, my Master," responds Zechs submissively.

            Treize stands up on Epyon's hand.  "All five of the Gundams have managed to land successfully on earth.  We do not know the exact identities of the pilots, but we do know the general areas in which we may find them and their mobile suits." He holds up a large picture and tosses it down to Zechs, who catches it deftly.  "This is the Gundam 01.  It has the capability to transform itself into a fighter jet." Zechs nods as he examines the picture of 01 in its plane form.  "It was last spotted over Eastern Europe.  We have some idea of who it's pilot is due to some information gathered by Alliance personnel.  Apparently, a girl reported seeing someone in a military spacesuit wash up onto a beach.  She brought him to an Alliance hospital, but he somehow escaped." Treize holds up another picture and throws it down to Zechs.  It is of an unconscious boy with an intense look about him, Prussian-blue eyes glazed open and unruly brown hair hanging in his face. "This is what he looks like," says Treize.  "Your first mission is to find this Gundam Pilot and his vehicle, and apprehend them both.  It would be wise to start at the hospital where he last was seen."

            Zechs nods at the picture, *He's just a boy* 

            "You are dismissed," Treize waves his hand at Zechs, and the other man starts to walk away, but turns at the last moment.

            "Treize, what's with the ball?"

            Treize reseats himself on his Gundam's hand and sighs, "Don't ask my friend, don't ask…"

            A digital clock starts to buzz annoyingly.  The young Heero Yuy sits up in bed and yawns.  He throws a quick glance out his darkened window, then looks over to his clock.

            "Twelve midnight," he mumbles flatly, "I'm late."

            He rolls out of bed and rips open his dresser drawer.  He yanks out his famous black spandex shorts and green tank top ™ and hurriedly puts them on.  The shorts give him a bit of trouble though, and he hops around in the dark trying to fit them on.  He trips over a sneaker and falls face first on the floor.

After hearing a loud thump, Relena Dorlan sits straight up in bed with a gasp.  She stares worriedly at the ceiling of her dorm room.

            "They must be having some weird orgy up there." She pounds her fist on the sheets, "That's it! I'm changing schools!!!"

            Suddenly, to her horror, she sees something green and black whiz by her window.

            *That can't be….can it?  Oh, no.  Not again!*  She throws open her window just in time to watch Heero Yuy land perfectly on his feet in the grass a few floors down.  He takes a minute to survey the landscape, then starts to sprint off into the darkness.  Relena drums her fingers on the windowsill.

            "You'll never learn, will you Heero?" she chides, "How many injuries have you had now?  Two bullet wounds.  Several broken bones.  A black eye from the fight with Duo. (*sings* his liver removed and his bowels unplugged and his pe…) You're going to get yourself killed."  She smiles evilly to herself.  "But I'll get you this time, Heero Yuy!  I won't let you live a peaceful life until I become a part of it!"  She shakes her fist in the air.  "I'm coming after you, Heero!"

            She leaps out of bed, slips some shoes on, throws open her door and takes off down the hallway.

            Poor little Heero (ahem?) runs his arse off across the lawn of his private school's property.  He throws a quick glance behind him to make sure that *she* isn't following him.  Spotting nothing, he continues his headlong dash to the gates.

            *I slept in.  Now I might be too late to complete the mission*

            He hears some desperate squeaking in the bushes nearby.  He tries to ignore it at first, but the rustling and the squealing becomes louder every second.  With a resigned sigh, he stomps over to the bushes and peers through the darkness at them.  A furry little black thing is stuck in the branches and leaves, shaking itself back and forth in an attempt to escape.  Heero reaches down and breaks away some of the branches, then gently lifts the exhausted animal out of the bushes.  After a closer examination, he realizes it's a ferret.  

            "Huh?  What are you doing here little guy?" he asks the panting animal flatly.  "You really shouldn't be hanging around the school.  They don't like wild animals here, unless you happen to be a bird.  I should know, I'm a wild animal too." He fingers at the large Band-Aid on the ferret's forehead.  "So, you're injured too, huh?  You seem pretty docile for a ferret."  The creature looks up at him with shining violet eyes and squeaks.   "So, you wanna come with me on my mission?  It's no walk in the park."  The ferret deftly jumps out of Heero's hands and drapes itself across his shoulders, chirping contentedly.  "Okay, then," says Heero, scratching the little black creature's head with a finger, "I'll show you what it's like to pilot a Gundam." Heero then runs off with the little ferret emitting happy noises against his neck.

            Relena runs across the cold wet grass in nothing but her pjs and her tennis shoes in pursuit of Heero.  Knowing perfectly well that he could run at least ten times faster than she could, and that he had a head start in the first place, she quickens her pace so as not to be left behind.  *I'll get you this time Heero!  I don't care if you want me dead!  I'll find out what's going on!*  Yet as she nears the main gate, her enthusiasm dies down.  She is tired of running, her legs ache, her breath comes short, and Heero seems to be nowhere in sight.  She slows down and plods on dejectedly.  She had been left behind at school again, adventureless, and Heeroless.

            Then, as she turns a corner in the path, she comes across her school's front gate.  And Heero is standing right in front of her.  Holding back an excited shriek of joy, she leaps into the nearest clump of bushes she sees, and clamps her hand over her mouth.  *That one was too close.*

            Taking care not to giggle with drunken giddiness, she peeks through the branches to spy on her prey.  He is holding something that looks like a black weasel to her, and he's actually….talking to it.  Relena grits her teeth to keep from laughing. *Oh, Heero.  Mr. I'm gonna kill you, I'm a Gundam pilot Heero Yuy talks to animals!!! I'm never gonna let you live without forgetting this!*  

            She then watches as the furry thing jumps up onto his shoulders, and they both take off through the gates.  As soon as they disappear into the darkness, Relena tears herself out of the bushes, spitting out leaves and twigs.  "I should've brought a camera."    

            She hears a car speeding her way.  Blinking her eyes in the darkness, she makes out the ambulance that Heero stole driving by the gates.  "Not so fast, Heero," she whispers playfully, then leaps out to grab the back end of the car as it whizzes by.  She holds on as tightly as she can, giggling madly to herself and thinking about all of the cool things she could say to Heero when he discovers her as the ambulance speeds it's way toward the main road.

            About fifteen minutes later, the ambulance pulls into a secluded spot in the forest.  Heero and his new friend get out of the stolen vehicle.  Heero points to a large object in front of him, which so happens to be his Gundam with a camouflage net draped over it.  He walks over and pulls the net off, revealing the bright red, yellow, blue, and white colors of his monstrous mobile suit.

            "This is the Wing Gundam," Heero explains to the ferret, which is perched on his left shoulder gazing at the wondrous piece of machinery before it.  Heero rolls up the net and throws it aside.  "This isn't going to be a joyride, little guy.  I don't have any seatbelts for ferrets in there, so you're going to have to hold on to me pretty tight.  Or you can just get off here."  He looks questioningly at the creature, and it responds by giving him an affirmative growl.  "Okay, then.  Let's move."  Heero starts to climb up the leg of his mobile suit, with the ferret clinging to his shirt.

            "Are you off to fight again, Heero?"

            Heero pauses in his climbing, and throws a cold glance over his shoulder.  Down by the ambulance, standing with her arms crossed is Relena, wearing nothing but a frighteningly pink sleepshirt and tennis shoes.  Her hair is a windblown mess, and she has leaves and twigs hanging from various parts of her body.  Heero turns his head back around and resumes his climbing as if he hasn't noticed her.

            Relena takes a purposeful step forward.  "Is that your mobile suit, Heero?"  No response.  "Is it a Gundam?"  

            Heero pauses again in his climbing, but doesn't look over at her.  "Why should you care?" he inquires coldly.

            "I want to know what is going on," shouts Relena, stamping her foot and putting her hands on her hips.  Heero sighs, jumps down from his perch, and starts to advance on Relena.

            "I'll tell you what," he snarls, "you wait here while I go on my mission.  When I come back I'll tell you anything you want to know about me, my mission, and my mobile suit. And then," he whips out a gun and points it at her forehead, "I'll kill you."  Relena's eyes go big and she staggers back a few steps.  Heero starts to advance on her again when a voice pipes up at his shoulder.

            "I wouldn't do that if I were you."  

            Heero turns his head to see who spoke, but all he sees is the little ferret staring at him.  He turns back to Relena, who now looks absolutely horror-stricken and is backing away at a rapid rate.

            "H-heero," she stutters as she backs into the hood of the ambulance, "th-that weasel thing talked!!!"  She points a shaking finger at the creature sitting on his shoulder.  Heero looks at the ferret in confusion, which is curled up on his shoulder with an irked expression on its face.  *Wait a minute,* he thinks, *did it really..?*

            "Thanks for stating to obvious, lady," grumbles the ferret with quick snapping of its jaws, "but for your information I happen to be a ferret, NOT a weasel." Heero jumps slightly at the animal's squeaky voice, but shows no other sign of surprise than to cock an eyebrow at it.  The prodigious creature turns its head challengingly to him.  "What are you staring at, pretty boy?"

            "You can talk," Heero replies in his usual dull tone.  Relena gapes at his apparent lack of surprise.

            "Duh," the ferret places his tiny paws on his hips and twitches his nose.  

            Heero raises another eyebrow, "So what do you mean by 'I wouldn't do that if I were you'?" 

            The ferret sighs in exasperation, "Man, you certainly are a slow one." He motions to Relena with a paw.  "Don't kill the girl, I mean.  You're gonna need her later on."

            Heero scoffs at this remark, and with a quick swipe of his hand knocks the small creature off his shoulder.  "Okay, I don't know what's going on, and I don't have time to care." He points an accusing finger at the animal in the grass, "For all I know you could be some robot sent by Oz to blow me up.  But I don't have the free time to figure you out.  I'm leaving."  He turns back to his Gundam, leaving the ferret to huff in the grass.

            "I am NOT a robot!!!!  I'm REAL dangit!"

            Heero throws a deathglare over his shoulder, "Then stop talking."  He points menacingly at Relena, "And I'll come back for YOU later."  He turns away from them and starts climbing up the leg of his Gundam.  

            "Wait a minute stupid!" shouts the ferret, "You can't win this fight with just a Gundam! The enemy is much stronger than you think.  You're going to need us both if you want to win!"  Heero ignores him and enters his Gundam's cockpit.

            With a loud, rumbling blast of engines, the Wing Gundam slowly lifts above the forest floor, then starts to transform into a fighter jet.  Relena shivers in the wind the engines create, and tries to call to Heero through the din.

            "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!  Don't run away from me! And don't leave me with the talking weasel!!"

            "I'M A FERRET!!!"

            "Whatever!"

            The Wing Gundam takes off and leaves the girl and the ferret alone with each other.  The ferret mutters something, then bounces over to Relena and climbs up her leg.  She screams.

            "Take it easy, lady!!  I'm just trying to hitch a ride."

            "Well couldn't you have gone with Heero?" she squeals as the black mass of fur claws it's way up her sleepshirt onto her shoulder.  "And how is it that you can talk, anyway?"

            "I can't explain it now lady, we have no time.  We've got to get to the nearest Oz base in time to help that kid or we're all doomed!"

            Relena looks perplexed, "What did you mean by what you said before, that Heero would need me one day?"

            "Jesus," the ferret moans, "Stop asking so many questions! All shall be revealed soon.  Just get into that ambulance and follow that Gundam!"

            Relena does a double take.  "B-but I can't drive!"

            "That other kid can," replies the annoyed ferret, "If he can do it you can do it.  Now MOVE!!!"

            Relena moans and rushes into the ambulance.  After it starts up she steers it around into a few circles, crashes into a tree, then finally aims it in the correct direction and drives off at a speed twenty times past breaking the speed limit screaming, "HHHHHHEEEEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOO!!!  I HATE YOU!"

            At a nearby Oz base (I don't know what else to call it) alarms blare and soldiers run about in panic.  A strange bird like shape hovers over the base dropping bombs and firing its guns, causing explosions powerful enough to destroy buildings in one blast.  Soldiers look up in confusion at their strange attacker as they attempt in vain to escape the base.

            "What the heck is that?"

            "It's a bird!"

            "It's a plane!"

Suddenly, up above, their attacker starts transforming into another shape.

            "Wha?" exclaims a nearby officer as he watches the great metal demon looming closer and closer to the ground.  He can definitely tell it isn't a giant bird, he can see arms and legs forming.  "It's a mobile suit."  With a resounding metal clang the gargantuan beast lands.  Glowing green eyes take in the remains of the base before it.  

            From one of the untouched hangars, a troop of Leo mobile suits march out.  From behind them, someone flashes a searchlight to light their way, shining it on the enemy before them.  The nearby officer quivers with shock.

            "It…it's a GUNDAM!!!!" 

The giant metal warrior lifts its buster rifle and starts to shoot down anything in sight.  Leo troops blow up in a mass of bright yellow explosions.  Some Aries troops try to take the Gundam from above, but it blasts them into oblivion with the wide beam of its rifle.  Fear-crazed soldiers run away as the Gundam starts to attack the buildings, blowing each one apart one by one with the power of it's gun.  It targets the mobile suit storehouses last, blowing each one apart in a mass explosion of flying metal and dust.

            From inside the cockpit of the Gundam, Heero Yuy sits with his fists clenched around the control sticks.  He breathes heavily as he stares at the monitor before him.  All he can see is carnage and wreckage.  Any humans that had been alive at this base before were now nowhere to be seen, either burned to ashes or escaped.  Multiple fires burn around and inside the remains of the buildings.  Heero starts to chuckle to himself, then laugh madly at the destruction he has caused.  Then something on the monitor beeps.  He blinks at it, surprised, and realizes that there is one gray shed left in one piece among the wreckage.

            "Hmmm, looks like I missed one."  He wipes the sweat off of his face, then pulls back on his flight stick hard. "We'll fix that!"

            Suddenly, before him, the shed explodes in a bright flash.  Heero raises a hand to shield his eyes from the glare, and his Gundam halts in mid-flight.  As the glare dies down, a large white mobile suit appears on his monitor where the shed once was.  It is almost bigger than the Gundam itself, with clunky limbs, a huge beam cannon, and a tall red plume atop its "head".  Heero stares at the suit in confusion.

            "What is this?" he whispers to himself, "Is this a new weapon of Oz's?"

On the screen before Heero, a face suddenly appears of a man with long platinum blond hair and a white mask concealing the top half of his head.  He is smiling in satisfaction.

            "Greetings, Gundam pilot zero-one," announces the man on the screen, "I am Zechs Merquise of Oz.  You have done well in eliminating our little base.  I must admit I expected slightly less from one mobile suit.  You have overcome my expectations."  Heero grits his teeth at the man on screen.  Zechs extends a gloved hand at his camera.  "You have proven to me that you are a worthy fighter.  I would like to challenge you to a duel with my new mobile suit, Tallgeese.  We will fight for the title of being the superior soldier."  The image of Zechs leans in closer.  "What do you say?"

            Heero clamps his hands tightly onto his control sticks.  However, despite his agitation, he manages to reply in his usual flat voice, "Very well.  Let's get it done with."

            Zechs smiles at him.  "Good.  But don't get too cocky my young friend.  Defeating a few Leos and Aries isn't too hard, but my Tallgeese and I aren't such easy contenders to defeat."

            With that, the Tallgeese whips out a beam saber and ignites it into a large red blade.  The Wing Gundam follows suit, igniting a blue-green saber.  The two mobile suits charge at each other, both pilots screaming a loud battle cry, then the suits and their sabers collide in a mass of sparks in the middle of the wrecked base.  The Wing Gundam makes several swings at the enemy's head with its saber, but the Tallgeese blocks each blow with its own blade.  However, once in a while both suits are able to hit the enemy with their blades, but not with enough force to destroy them.

            While the two mobile suits duke it out, a small white ambulance drives onto the scene.  It speeds underneath the legs of the oblivious mobile suits, screeches its brakes, then crashes into a large pile of twisted metal.  The car door swings open and a disoriented Relena stumbles out, with the ferret clinging desperately to her shoulder.

            "You call that driving!  I've seen circus clowns that could drive better than you!"

            "Hey, at least I got us here in time, weasel boy!"  

            "Maybe not," says the ferret ominously, blinking his tiny purple eyes at the scene before him.  Relena diverts her attention to the two battling mobile suits.  The Tallgeese manages to knock the Wing Gundam on its back, and then slashes it across the chest with its saber.  Sparks fly as the Gundam's power dies.

            Relena gapes at the defeated Gundam in shock.  "Oh my God! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERROOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

            Insides the Gundam, Heero is clenching his fists, banging them on his monitor and cussing when he hears the familiar sound of Relena screaming his name.  "Oh, crap," he mutters, "It's *her* again."  With a resigned sigh, he pops open his escape hatch, and jumps out of his downed Gundam.  He sprints for Relena, motioning for her to get behind the pile of wreckage.  She doesn't listen; instead she runs out to him and throws her arms around his neck, so he has to drag her away from the Tallgeese.  Inside his cockpit, Zechs smirks at the young pilot dragging the girl away.  

            "Don't think that you get away that easily, zero one.  You don't have your Gundam anymore.  I seriously doubt that girl can save you.."

             Heero flips Relena over the top of the junk pile then jumps down after her.  He lands face first in a pile of metal shards.  From underneath Relena, a tiny voice squeaks out.

            "Get this stalker girl off of me!"  Relena screams and jumps as she feels something bite into her butt.  The ferret scurries out from underneath her.  "Watch where you land lady!"  Relena pays the pissed creature no heed as she rubs her sore bottom.

            "You're here too?" inquires Heero in exasperation.  "I thought I told the both of you to leave me alone!"

            Heero can hear the Tallgeese walking over, so he grabs Relena, much to her surprise, and presses himself against the junk pile.  While Relena shivers against him, the ferret climbs up onto his knees and parks himself there on its haunches.

            "Ain't no time for that, Heero Yuy.   You need help, and I don't think you can get it from your Gundam over there."

            Heero does a double take.  He glares at the ferret suspiciously.  "How do you know my codename?"  Relena stares at Heero in shock, then buries her head in his shoulder as she hears the Tallgeese stomping over.

            "I have no time to explain," replies the ferret hastily.  "But I'll give a quick lesson before things get hot.  I am called Loony.  But you can just call me Lou."  At this point Lou claws off the Band-Aid on his forehead, revealing an ornate gold imprint, similar to the ornamentation on the head of the Wing Gundam. (You know, those gold, spiky things on their foreheads)  Heero blinks in surprise, while Relena just shivers.  "I come from the same colony you did Heero.  Doctor J sent me to help you.  I bet you didn't know that you can gain special powers from your Gundam?"  Heero shakes his head.  "You can.  And only certain special people can gain that power.  Only Gundam pilots.  I have been searching you out for a long time, Heero.  A very long time…"

            The Tallgeese makes a swipe at the junk pile with its saber, and debris to rain down on Heero and Relena.  Heero covers the girl and grits his teeth at the ferret.  "Can you just get on with it!?"

            "Yeah, yeah, yeah!  Your powers…" Lou does a little flip in the air, and a small black stick appears out of nowhere at his side.  Heero picks it up and looks it over.  He realizes it's a self-detonation device.

            "You want me to blow up my Gundam?"

            "NO! No no no!  That stick gives you your powers." Lou jumps up and down excitedly.  "Just stand up, hold the stick out in front of you, push the little red button and say 'Gundam Prism Power'.  It'll all become clear from there."

            Heero considers Relena, who is curled up next to him, then the Tallgeese behind.  He sighs, then resolutely stands up and holds the stick out in front of him.  Relena peeks through her fingers at him.

            "Heero…"

            "Stay here Relena," he orders her gently.  She nods as Lou jumps into her lap.

            Heero turns to face the Tallgeese, which still can't see him, but is cutting apart the junk pile at a rapid rate.  "Mission: accepted."  He pushes the red button on his stick.  "Gundam Prism Power!" (Just Communication starts to play in the background as Heero transforms)

            A bright flash blinds Heero, and he feels a rumbling.  He closes his eyes and braces himself, as he feels a strong wind blow against him.  He feels like he is falling into a swirling vortex.  His skin tingles as a cold feeling washes over him.  When he opens his eyes he is still in one piece, but he feels strange.  He looks himself over, only to find that to his horror, he is wearing a girl's sailor uniform.  He has on knee-high red boots, and white elbow-length gloves with red trim.  He dons something that looks like a white bathing suit with a blue mini-skirt attached.  He also wears a red choker, earrings, and a golden tiara on his forehead.  He's holding a weird looking wand and a buster rifle.  His only remaining normal clothes are his black spandex shorts.  He turns and raises his eyebrows at Relena and Lou.  "My special powers?"

            Lou nods his furry head.  "Yes.  You are the pretty soldier, Sailor Gundam."

            Zechs' Tallgeese hacks away at the last remnants of the junk pile.  He peers through the cloud of smoke that he has created.

            "They should both be dead by now…wait."  He halts his Tallgeese, in mid-swipe for a moment.  A pair of red boots appears out of the smoke.  Then a pair of legs, black spandex shorts, and a blue miniskirt can be seen.  "What the…?"  As if sensing Zechs' confusion, the mysterious figure steps out of the smoke towards the giant white mobile suit.  It is a boy dressed in a girl's sailor costume.

            "My, my," muses Zechs, "That's Gundam pilot zero-one.  What the devil is he wearing?"  *That doesn't matter,* he thinks, *finish him off.*

            Zechs turns the Tallgeese's speakers on so the boy can hear him.  His voice booms out over the demolished base.  "Gundam pilot 01, you are defeated.  I have downed your mobile suit, and you have no means of protecting yourself.  Surrender yourself, and the girl now, and I might consider letting you live."

            Heero glares up at the Tallgeese's cockpit, then gives it the finger.  While Zechs seethes over this, Heero glances nervously over at Relena and Lou, who are hiding together among the remaining junk.  They both motion him forward.  Swallowing hard, he advances on the Tallgeese.

            "Gundam pilot," Zechs snaps, "Don't be foolish!  You are obviously not the superior warrior, so give yourself up now." Zechs pauses for a moment, then adds, "I promise you the girl will not be harmed."  Heero's head snaps up and his eyes turn towards Relena's hiding place, but other than that he shows no sign of surprise.  

            Zechs sighs impatiently.  *He's a tough one.*  "Look kid, you've got surprising talent, but not enough.  I have no idea who you are, or what you're wearing, but I seriously doubt that you can take on a mobile suit like my Tallgeese without a suit of your own…"

            "My missions have no room for failure," Heero states monotonously.  "I can't rest until I destroy every last piece of this base, and that includes you, Zechs Merquise." Heero points up at him while Zechs smirks.  

            "You must have quite a high opinion of your abilities to make a statement like that my friend.  But I have a mission too, you see.  I must find out who you are, then eradicate you and your Gundam.  I myself have no intention of failing, so if you don't mind, please tell me who you are before I kill you…," an evil smile crosses his masked face, "pretty boy."

            Heero pauses in thought, looking his outfit up and down as he does so.  "Me?  Uh, er…I…"  After a moment of dumbstruck silence, Heero feels a strange force take over his body.  He strikes a triumphant pose with his hands on his hips.  "I am Sailor Gundam!  The champion of justice!"  Heero then moves into a complex series of poses and hand motions.  "In the name of the colonies and the Wing Gundam I shall punish you!"  The background turns a purpley-pink as Heero continues his ritual, and little hearts and sparkles and stars fly by.  (Ahem)  "I fight for peace, and I fight for justice!  In the name of my Gundam I will right wrongs and triumph over Oz, and that means you!" He points up at Zechs.

            Meanwhile, the great lightning count stares at his view screen with his jaw down and his eyes large.  Somewhere amidst the ruins, Relena sighs and smacks her forehead.

            "Gimme, a break."

            Heero, upon hearing her comment, suddenly realizes he has no idea as to what he is doing.  His face turns beat red, and he turns to give his deathglare to Lou.  The ferret only gives him a thumbs up.

            Zechs' lower lip trembles, then he chuckles, and then he throws back his head in pure uncontrolled laughter.  This makes Heero's face go even redder. His gloved fists clench.  

            "Okay, so it's cheesy, but you haven't seen what I can do yet!"

            "I doubt that you've ever seen what you can do either," replies an amused Zechs.  "Alright, Sailor Gundam *snicker* let's see what you are capable of."  The Tallgeese flies forward to make its attack.  "Prepare to be destroyed!!!" 

            Heero brings up his buster rifle and pulls the trigger. Nothing happens.  He is forced to roll out of the way before the Tallgeese runs him over.  The giant white mobile suit starts to fire on him.  Heero runs around in circles trying to dodge the shots.

            "LOU!" he screams, "Why the hell isn't my rifle working!?"

            Lou's tinny voice barely reaches him through the din. "You didn't say the magic words!  You have to say 'Gundam Buster Rifle Fire' to get the gun to work."

            Heero cusses, then quickly aims at the Tallgeese.  "Gundam Buster Rifle Fire!"  His rifle finally fires a huge beam at the Tallgeese, but the white suit dodges the attack easily.  Heero grits his teeth as he shouts the chant over and over again, continuously firing on the Tallgeese while trying to dodge its laser blasts.  He keeps tripping though, because he's not used to running in knee-high boots.

            "Gundam Buster Rifle Fire!" BOOM! Ker-plunk! "Ouch!"

            "Gundam Buster Rifle Fire!" BOOM! Ker-plunk! "Ouch!"

            "Gundam Buster Rifle Fire!" BOOM! Ker-plunk! "Ouch!"

            "GUNDAM FREAKIN BUSTER RIFLE FIRE!" BOOM! Ker-plop! "ACH!!! THIS ISN'T WORKING!!!"  The Tallgeese and Heero continue to duke it out, the white mobile suit having the definite advantage.

A large sweatdrop rolls down Lou's hairy face as he watches the battle.  Relena has both hands up to her mouth and is frantically chewing on her nails.  After about the twenty-fifth time Heero trips over his own feet, the ferret turns away from the battle with a snort.

            "I thought a Gundam pilot could do better than this!"

            Relena glares at the little creature, "Well, what do you expect?!  He's only a human being!"

            "I bet if I had time to train him things would go much smoother," the ferret says remorsefully, "But for now, you're right lady.  He can't handle this thing on his own.  We need a backup plan!"

            "What do we do?" asks Relena, her fear for Heero's life reflecting in her eyes.

            "That's where you come in, sweetheart…"

            Heero frantically aims his rifle at the Tallgeese's head. "Gundam Buster Rifle Fi…!" Just as he is about to shoot, the white mobile suit knocks the gun out of Heero's gloved hands, leaving him defenseless.  In the Tallgeese's cockpit, Zechs smiles wickedly.  

            "I have you now, zero-one! Or should I say 'Sailor Gundam'? Ahahahahahahahahahaha!" Zechs aims his beam cannon at the young sailor boy, who only stares stoically back at the white monster before him. He clenches both fists at his sides, and shuts his eyes tightly.

            "Finish it," he whispers.  *I'm sorry, Relena…*

            Just as the Tallgeese is about to shoot and end the sailor boy's life, a red streak flies through the air over Heero's head.  It strikes the Tallgeese's beam cannon, and knocks it away.  Heero, cautiously opens an eye.  *What the…I'm still alive?* He stares at the downed beam cannon strewn before him.  Sticking out of a charred and smoking spot on its surface, is a single red rose.

            "How dare you!" a strong yet feminine voice booms out over the ruins of the base.  Heero whips around, and Zechs turns his suit's head to get a good look at the speaker.  His jaw drops to his waist as he sees her.  "No way…"

            Standing atop a large piece of sharp metal jutting high into the air is Relena, her hands on her hips, her cold glare fixed on the Tallgeese.  Heero raises an eyebrow at her.  She is wearing a black tuxedo, a red cape, and a top hat.  A small white mask obscures her eyes from view.  "Good God, her too?!"

            "How dare you!" repeats Relena to the Tallgeese.  "How dare you try to kill the future of all humanity!  A true soldier of honor would only fight an enemy that was as equally armed as he was.  You fight this Sailor Scout with your mobile suit, yet he only has himself.  How dare you, you coward!" she sneers, "How dare you call yourself a soldier!  I shall stop all would-be soldiers from plundering on this Earth!"

            Zechs sweatdrops as he gapes unbelievingly at Relena.  "Uh, who exactly are you?"

            Relena straightens herself.  "I am called Tuxedo Relena, and don't you forget it!"

            Heero tries his best not to faint as he watches Relena.  He barely notices Lou scamper up to his feet. "Hey kid?  You awake?"

            "Huh?" Heero looks down to Lou in confusion.  "What did you do to her?"

            Lou only grins.  "I told you you'd need her.  But don't worry about that now.  While she has that guy's attention, you can carry out your main attack!"

            Heero glances from Relena, to Lou, and to the Tallgeese, assessing the situation.  "What do I do?"

            "This may sound a bit goofy..," cautions Lou, "but just take your tiara off, say 'Gundam Tiara Magic', and hurl it at that guy!"

            Heero nods stoically.  "I think I'm about used to goofy things by now.  You better get out of the way."  Lou gives him and chirp for good luck, then scurries behind a pile of junk and covers his head with his paws.

            "Good Gundams, I hope this works!"

            Heero takes of his tiara and starts to spin around preparing to throw it.  Relena notices his warm-up out of the corner of her eye, and starts to throw her arms about wildly to hold Zech's attention.  Her cape billows around her, giving her the appearance of a dancing bat.  Zech's blinks at his viewscreen in awe.

            "Treize, you shouldn't have assigned me to this mission.  It just keeps getting crazier and crazier."

            Heero pivots back on his foot, hurls his throwing arm around, and releases his glowing tiara at the Tallgeese with a loud shout of, "GUNDAM TIARA MAGIC!"

            Noticing a bright light, Zechs diverts his attention back to Heero, just in time to see a glowing disk of energy coming right for him.  "Oh $#!^." The tiara rams into the Tallgeese and explodes, throwing the white mobile suit back across the entire length of the base.  It lands hard on its back.  Zechs head barely misses hitting his monitor, then slams back against his seat. He moans in pain, then lifts a shaky hand to push some keys in front of his monitor. "Darn.  All systems damaged except for flight engines." He smirks.  "Very well.  I guess they win for now." He ignites the Tallgeese's engines, lifting the bulky suit from the ground.  The Tallgeese starts to fly of into the distance. "I'll be back, Sailor Gundam, and I'll get you!   And your little tuxedo girl too!"  

            Heero pants and heaves heavily as he witnesses the damaged Tallgeese take off into the sky.  He barely notices his tiara float back to him, and replace itself against his forehead.  He is to busy thinking about the battle to care. *Zechs.  Zechs Merquise.  We will meet again.  And next time, I won't need a sailor suit and a tiara to bring you down.*  His face suddenly turns beet red again as he realizes he's still in the costume.  *I should ask Lou how I get it off…*  He barely has time to finish that thought before a skinny pair of female arms grab him around the neck in a choke hold.

            "HEERO! You did it!  You won!" an ecstatic Relena shouts right into Heero's ear as she throws herself against him.  "I knew you could do it!  You see? You don't need that Gundam after all!"  Heero ignores her compliments completely, taking her by the arms roughly and bringing her to face him.  He looks her outfit up and down disdainfully.

            "Relena, you're dressed like a guy…," he remarks with an impossible amount of disinterest in his voice.  Relena's cheerful disposition fades at the first sign of Heero's coldness.

            "Well, it doesn't really matter what I'm wearing, Heero.  It works for me, just like your little…suit works for you." She crosses her arms and studies him through the eyeholes of her mask.  "So don't complain." *He actually looks kind of cute in that thing…*

            "Actually," Heero says, turning his cold glare to the nearby ferret emerging from the wreckage, "this suit doesn't work for me at all.  Lou, how do I get out of this thing?"  The ferret hops onto his shoulder, happily complying with the boy's request.  After all, the kid had just saved his little ferret butt, and he wasn't going to complain if he was just a bit cold.  As Lou started to lecture Heero on the essentials of getting out of his Sailor Suit, Relena cast a wistful eye on the tiny retreating speck in the distant sky that she knew was the Tallgeese.

            *I thought I knew that voice…* She lifts a gloved hand to her face and carefully takes her mask off.  *What did Heero call that man? I don't remember…*  She takes a slow step forward and reaches her hand out to the almost invisible white mobile suit in the distance.  "My name…my real name…is Relena Dorlan.  What's yours?"

            The sun begins to peep over the horizon of the wasted Oz base.  The unoperational and damaged Wing Gundam sits on its metal butt in the middle of the ruins.  Relena, now back in her pink sleepshirt and tennis shoes, sits with her legs dangling on the Gundam's right knee.  She gasps in awe at the beautiful colors of the sunrise.

            A very large mobile suit carrier car motors onto the scene, pulling up noisily beside the silent Gundam.  The engines turn off, and Heero exits the car.  Relena turns around to give him a brief, wistful glance, but deciding that there is no point in talking to him, she turns back to the sunrise.  A small ferret scampers over to Heero, and climbs his way up onto his shoulder.

            "So," Lou says, "you've got the resources to get your Gundam out of here, but what do you intend to do with it once we leave?"

            Heero raises an eyebrow disdainfully at the word "we", but decides against entering another verbal dual against the ferret. "I don't really know.  There's a large mobile suit carrier out on the Pacific Ocean that would probably repair my Gundam…,"  he trails off looking at his feet.

            "So then, what's the problem?" Lou asks cheerfully.

            "It's the headquarters of another Gundam pilot," Heero responds dully, "and we don't exactly like each other very much."

            Disappointment crosses Lou's furry face, "Oh, well, I guess it's at least worth a try. By the way," he motions to Relena with a paw, "Are you gonna keep that girl around now that you know she can help you?"

            Heero glances sideways at Relena, lost in blissful thought on the knee of his Wing Gundam.  She seems to have a small smile on her face while she watches the glowing red sun climb up into the sky.  Heero's eyes soften a little.

            "I'll keep her around for as long as she's useful.  If she gets in the way of my mission, I'm disposing of her."

            Lou blinks disbelievingly at him, "Huh? Really? So you *are* gonna keep her around."  The tiny ferret looks over to Relena, a smile of satisfaction creeping onto his furry face.

            *Yeah, I'll keep her around,* thinks Heero, laying his eyes once more on Relena's silhouette, *For now…*

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
